Thankful for....

I am a bit in survival mode this month. A much loved young mother, wife and friend in our street has passed away and she has left a very big hole in our lives. I know if she were here she would want me to pass on this really important message. WEAR YOUR SUNSCREEN!!! And have your skin checked. Queensland has the world's highest death rate from melanoma so be aware of our hot hot sun.

So....I am trying to live in the moment and suck up all of life's goodness because that is how Helen lived and she has inspired me to try and do the same.

So...here are some of my favourite things from the last week or so.....

Glorious glorious jacarandas. This is my favourite time of year and always makes me high.

Coming home from lunch with my old nursing buddies and finding these three laughing on the trampoline

My little girl finally getting the hula hoop moves

My wondrous hollyhocks finally flowering

To get some idea of their height (over 2 metres), the wire fence is about as high as my chest.

My new petunias. I have a tendency to be morose in the mornings so I go and open the front door and drink in these colours in the morning sunshine. They always put a smile on my face.

The flower garden outside our study. I tried to get Kip to pose for this photo but he had a fat juicy new bone and wouldn't cooperate.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week.

Joy pockets

For many months, I have read just my favourite 4 or 5 blogs - the ones that feel like old familiar friends that I miss when I don't drop in to see what's been happening. Tonight I rediscovered the delights of just hopping from blog to blog via the favourites of my favourite bloggers, attracted by a name such as "milkmoon" or "dreamfarm girl". What an amazing thing blogging is - to be able to peek into the lives of other women (for I never seem to end up at a man's blog, with the exception of "Quilt Dad"!) and read their thoughts about life, love, mothering and the rest of the universe. Sometimes, I check out a blogger's profile and read their lists of favourites books and music and think "Ooh....she loves "Room With A View" AND "Cold Mountain" AND "The English Patient" AND Fleet Foxes!!! Will I send her an email to say I love them too? No....that is like stalking my inner shy blogger says to herself.

Anyway....I know lots of my favourite bloggers like to list what they are grateful for, and I do mean to do it, and sometimes do it the old fashioned way with a pen in a little notebook my big sister gave me earlier this year, but often I forget to do it for weeks at a time. I should definitely be at least thinking of what I am grateful for as I tend to be a glass half empty person and dwell on life's little and big difficulties. I came across a thing called "joy pockets" which is a lovely idea, but trying to do the links and copy the html code thingy etc was all too hard so I shall just make my own little list of things I am grateful for today.

- Watching "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" on DVD with my two girls who love Narnia as much as I do and letting them stay up late to see the ending. (And then having a quick, painless bedtime as it was an hour past their usual time for lights out).

- Having my husband rub cream into the knots in my back and shoulders while I watched "Grand Designs Revisited" on the TV in our bedroom instead of on iview on the computer when I get a spare few minutes.

- Making biscuits with the girls and cutting out all sorts of shapes and then icing them with pink and white icing and hundreds and thousands.

- Watching my hollyhocks grow taller every day and their spires of buds uncurling. Oh...the anticipation!

- Living in a street with lovely neighbours who look out for each other and happy children who like to chat over the fence.

- Waking up this morning and feeling spring in the air and not needing to wear slippers on my feet.

Time with my big girl

My big Squidgy Girl and I have been trying to get some special time together for weeks. Finally, on Sunday morning we headed off to the Petrie Markets, just the two of us. The Petrie Markets are a happy place for me. I used to go them with my big sister when they were the rough and ready Closeburn Markets near Samford and we would scoff home made ginger beer and dutch pofertjies (sorry - can normally spell quite well but that has defeated me) and buy little antique blue and green bottles from the "bottle man". Later in the 1980s, when the markets moved to Petrie, my sister and I were both renting rooms with a guy in a lovely cottage at Clayfield and on Sunday mornings we loved to head to Petrie and buy ourselves a second hand book to read, a few avocados, a bunch of roses, some fudge, some strawberries and maybe a bottle from the Bottle Man. Then we would go home, enjoy our flowers and food and lie around reading our new books for the rest of the day. When my sister married and had a little boy, I used to steal him and take him to the markets and return him asleep at lunchtime, thinking she was such a generous sister to share him with me. Now I realise it was probably a gift to a tired mother.

I have gone to the Petrie Markets with so many friends, a boyfriend or two, and now I take my own family. Once, I was there with my close friend, Suz, our little girls and a pregnant belly when I ran into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. We chatted under the sunshiney blue sky and enjoyed seeing each other happy. Gee....that wasn't what this post was going to be about.

Anyway, big girl and I needed some time together and we made the most of every moment. When we arrived we were in awe of this amazing bougainvillia.

Then we spent some time at an artisan's shop with a man doing traditional Japanese weaving. I forget what it was called but he said it was a traditional pastime of Samurai warriers waiting for battle (or something like that). My girl was entranced and wanted to try it. I said I didn't think she could but on our return visit a bit later, the nice man must have noticed her longing glances as he offered to let her have a go. She LOVED it! One of the things I love about this girl is her zest for life, for meeting new people and bonding with them, for trying new things and having new adventures. She sucks up life like a little anteater devouring ants.

There used to be pony rides (and sometimes camel rides) at the Petrie Markets years ago and then they disappeared. I was told the insurance cost became too high. So we were delighted to see a lovely horse and two gorgeous tiny Shetland ponies giving rides for just $5. Can you see the tiny white dog watching the horse and girl go by?

For some reason (they said it was the gorgeous weather) there were heaps of lovely stall holders with antiques, vintage wares, collectables etc so we had a lovely browse. My Squidge spotted this lovely painted parasol for $10 at the stalls of Julie and Pam. After the price was kindly knocked down to $8, she parted with some of her pocket money and was a very happy customer. Apart from looking beautiful, the parasol was very handy for balancing on tree roots.

Julie and Pam had some fantastic things for sale. I had only $20 of my housekeeping left and had already bought food and some vintage tablecloths so was being very strong. I loved this wooden box full of old pegs and lace.

I also fell in love with this funky red china jug which I think looks sort of '50s and would go in our '50s house but, even after it was knocked down a couple of dollars to a very affordable price, I still didn't have enough cash. Do you take layby, Julie? You can't quite tell from my photo but it doesn't have a handle. Cool, hey?

Here are the two secondhand tablecloths I found at another shop selling oodles of old linen. They were in the "seconds" basket as they had some small stains. They were $2 each! I really love the pink and white one. It was all beautifully ironed so I put it on our table when we got home and my little girl promptly splashed chocolate milk on it. C'est la vie! Now I know why my mother got annoyed with us every night at teatime and said "All over my clean tablecloth!!!" when we spilt our milk. Sorry Mum!

So, that was our lovely mother-and-daughter morning. Weren't we lucky? And the weather was extra gorgeous. Blue sky and sunshine after a freezing, windy Saturday. We think we should have some special time together once a month.

(Photo by Squidgy Girl)

Special love to all the mothers and daughters out there, especially to my wonderful friends who help me mother my girls and to the amazing woman who has changed my life and is soon to leave this life behind. You are an awesome mother, my sweet friend, and have made me a better one than I was before.

This and that

Life has been marching on as it does since I last made a post, several weeks ago. Things are pretty much back to normal as we don't have to have my girl reviewed by our various medical teams now until September/October. It has been lovely getting up in the morning and not having to keep medical appointments.

I still think a lot about our experience in hospital and what it has taught me and how it has changed us. I feel more like a grown up - finally - at 45 going on 46. One change has been a superficial but symbolic one. I had been talking about letting my hair go grey for months and months. I was finding it really hard to let go of my inner twenty-something self who had thick long dark hair which made me feel feminine, and on a good day, pretty. Since I turned 40, it has been shorter but still dark - thanks to regular dyeing. When I was in hospital with my girl, I stopped caring about what colour my hair was. I was actually glad it was short as I didn't have a comb for a week. I finally felt good about letting my hair be the colour it actually is. I still didn't like the idea of grey regrowth, so I have just been cutting it shorter and shorter with each haircut. When I went to the hairdresser last week, she suggested going really short - "If it's grey, you want it to be edgy, not mumsy" she said. So here I am with short grey hair. I like it - it feels liberating and my husband loves it, but I did shed one last little tear the other night (when feeling fragile about other more important things that are going on) as I bade farewell to my youth and said hello to the next chapter of my life.

I also learnt how important it is to be truthful with my children, especially about really important things like pain and love and fear and sadness.

When coping with a sick little girl, Scott and I learnt that truest of all truths - the importance of living in the moment and sucking up all the love and joy you can. So...I decided to take extended leave from my historian's job so that one of us can be home with the children instead of both of us juggling work and home like a crazy circus act. Even though I only worked two days a week, those two days were so rushed and busy and I felt like I was always thinking ahead to whether there was a clean school uniform ready and enough bread to make a vegemite sandwich for a school lunch. And we both had less patience, less energy and less time to do fun things, or even to do nothing occasionally. The universe has kindly stepped in and made my job disappear in a work place restructure so I may not even have a job to go back to anyway. Normally, this situation would have caused me considerable stress, but in the light of what has happened, I have been content to go with the flow and look for the good in however things turn out. I took G into the city this week to attend a the launch of a website I was working on for the year before G got sick. I had noone to leave her with so she came along and was beautifully behaved. I felt proud of her for sitting quietly on my lap during the two speeches and letting me catch up with my colleagues and other people from the heritage field that I hadn't seen for ages. She was a bit disappointed though that there was no game of Pass the Parcel. It was nice to pop into my work world for an hour and then nice to leave it again. Then we went and said hello to the kangaroo sculptures in King George Square.

My big girl just gets bigger every day. I swear her legs grow longer every night while she is sleeping. Here she is dressed up for "book week" at school. She is dressed up as Lucy from "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" as we have been reading the Narnia books at bedtime together. Is there anything more lovely to do than to reread your favourite books with your children? She is holding her magic cordial that Aslan gave her to heal the wounded in battles. I was stuck for a suitable potion bottle but then we found the bubble bath the girls gave me for Mothers' Day and added a few drops of red food colouring.

Not working has given me the time and energy to get more involved with our local school. We love hanging out and getting to know the other families and helping out with fundraising etc. I have met such lovely parents who have a real sense of community. Every day when G and I arrive to meet E after school, there is always a mum who is keeping an eye on someone else's children because they are running half an hour late. I love that. The kids play on the playground and the parents sit around and talk and then we wander off home. One of nicest things is that I have met some crafty mums who meet regularly for what they call "Yarn Night". I went along this week and we sat around, drinking tea and eating cake and knitting, sewing or crocheting and talking about life, school, birth and who bought some of those ruby grapefruit that were on special at the local fruit and vege shop last week. It may sound a bit boring but it was just lovely - very relaxing and nice to feel like I belong. I really want to spend more time with the women I know who I can relate to, who feel the way I feel - that we are meant to live in villages and share our food and our sewing machines and our childcare. I hope that doesn't sound really po faced.

Obviously, not working means a tight budget but I'm hoping we'll manage ok and can find ways to spend less money. I have resolved not to buy any new clothes for six months (except maybe at fetes or thrift shops!). And I think having more time will make up for having less money. Well...that's the theory. And if I can cook more meals and iron the odd shirt, that makes Scott's life less stressful and busy. He has cooked the majority of our meals for years (I cook most of the children's as he gets home from work late) but I think it's time I relieved him of some of his duties.

Our dog pog was sadly neglected for the last few months and had become very very shaggy. He had a dreadlock in his tail and big knots under his colour. I finally got myself organised and took him to the vet as I was tired of sweeping up dog hair from the floor. He now looks so tidy and puppylike that I have a whole new love for him and don't mind him snuggling up to me for some cuddles. He came home with a smart red scarf tied around his neck and looked like a doggy pirate.

I hope all my bloggy friends are well and happy. I haven't been posting but I have still been peeking at your lives as always.

Belated birthday celebrations

Three days after our girl came home from hospital, she turned 5! We were so grateful to be home and be able to celebrate together. As with all good birthdays, the celebrations spread out over a week or so. (The photos are out of order sorry as I was a bit disorganised uploading them).

Some special friends organised a little private birthday party with some sand art. We all did some and I have to say, it was great therapy for Mum and Dad! Thanks for all your efforts, H. We had a lovely time!

Some pattycakes for an impromptu birthday cake and candles. (Made by Nana - thanks Nana! and iced by the girls)

Opening presents on the birthday morning.....


A long anticipated visit to Cold Rock with some special friends to celebrate our girl's birthday. Aren't they gorgeous? And look at that little baby girl taking off her party hat! Such a cutie!

After Cold Rock, the friends came back to our house so the girls could blow bubbles. We threw some rugs on the front grass and sat in the winter sunshine having tea and biccies. So good to be alive and happy and in the company of good friends.

There's probably more posts coming re adjusting to life after the hospital drama. I think it is helping me process what happened. Just as I thought life was getting back to normal this week, our girl had a temperature last night and was whimpering in her sleep. A flash back to a month ago when the ear infection which caused the clot must have been grumbling away despite the antibiotics. Back to the GP today to have a check up but can find no source of infection. Just a little temperature but I ended up crying in the GP's office for 15-20 mins while my girl was in the toyshop with my mum, reliving some of the events of the last few weeks which I thought I had dealt with. We are so lucky to have had such a good outcome so I keep reminding myself of that when we have little setbacks.

Hope all my bloggy and real life friends are well and happy. Hope to talk to you soon.

Grateful for....

After purging some of the medical details of the last few weeks on my blog, I think it's time to try and count my blessings.

Grateful for.....

seeing my girl home with her doggy pog

hanging out the washing myself in my own backyard in the sunshine

seeing how my garden has grown and picking a posy of flowers

being able to wash my brave big girl's hair and let her watch an "Avotar" movie marathon

Our girl doing well

It's been a tough week and I couldn't find the heart or the time to post anything. Finally, this afternoon we had some good news about our girl. Although she had been improving and was full of beans, the twice daily injections of anti clotting drug into the cannula in her leg were causing her a lot of pain to the point where she could barely lie still for me to safely administer it (and both parents were in tears). On Wednesday, we had a day at hospital for a CT scan which involved going via the Emergency Dept to have an IV cannula in her hand for the contrast to be given (Pretty traumatic, needless to say). The CT scan was to check on the progress of the blood clot. To top it all off, she became sick the day before the proposed scan with tonsilitis and had to start on penicillin mixture which was making her gag. Today, after hearing that the clot had improved but was still there, we had to go back to hospital to change the cannula in her leg (the existing one was bruised and bleeding) in order to continue with the anti clotting drug. We had the numbing cream on ready to insert the needle part when the neuro registrar came in and examined our girl to check how she was going. He went off to talk to the haematology team and then returned and said we could stop the injections. I was ecstatic! Joyfully, we jumped in the car and came home. The girls stayed up late to celebrate no "medicine in the leg" at bedtime, Scott and I had Thai takeaway and all was right with our little world. We go back to the hospital on Monday afternoon for a proper "review" with the head neurologist. The other drugs are continuing for the present and there may be another scan in a few weeks but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. No more waking up and feeling sick at the thought of facing another painful injection for a brave little girl. Yippee!!!

Thanks again to everyone for their support and love. We feel very lucky to be surrounded by such caring friends and family (and bloggy mates!). A special thank you to Melissa for all her tips on minimising the physical and psychological trauma for little people and being a strong advocate for my little girl. You really helped me get through the last few days.