WARNING - THIS POST IS BASICALLY ME COMPLAINING ABOUT MY LIFE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Sometimes, I honestly do find life overwhelming. Well....actually...only since becoming a mother. I feel quite often that I just can't get my head around all the things I have to do/take care of/be responsible for. At the moment, this includes
- family of two adults and two children
- dog who is failing dog obedience and scratching the wood off our front door as he wants to be in the house with us all the time
- house which never seems clean or tidy and is perpetually full of dust, dirt and dog hair although we sweep it every day or so.
- car which keeps filling up with tiny dead leaves, dog hair, empty McDonalds chip packets
- mother who nags me about when am I going to wean Greta (the answer is when I find a quicker, easier way to get her to sleep at night).
- Part time job which is currently undergoing a restructure and for which I am constantly arriving late and leaving early due to juggling children who are either sick or crying as they don't want to be left at daycare/before school care for two days a week
-bills/paperwork/tax to do
- etc etc etc
Trying to juggle all this stuff means that things that should be pleasurable (like scrapbooking, blogging, etc) either feel like just another thing on my "to do" list or a guilty pleasure because I should really be tidying the house, playing with my children or vaccuuming the car or something I am just too exhausted to be even contemplating.
Hence, I'm not blogging much these days, but I am still checking in with your blogs as they brighten my day.
I did have a rare and fantastic day off this week. I paid an extra $50 to G's lovely Family Day Care carer and drove home giddy with the thought of some 4 and a half hours all to myself. I honestly almost cried with anticipation. Of course, I tried to fit too much in (pick up dinner from the shops, go to video shop to get "Twilight" DVD, go to Scrapbooking shop to browse without having to say "DON'T TOUCH THE PAPER!" to my children, do a page of scrapbooking to finish off Emma's album from 2007 etc. As one of my girlfriends said "If you were nearly crying with happiness at having a few hours off, it was worth $50".
I have been reading Erkhart Tolle's books lately, and just love his philosophy of living life one moment at a time and letting go of all the bullshit that goes round and round in our heads - worrying about the future and holding on to old stories/hurts/stuff. I have been trying to do it and when I do...it is a revelation. Life becomes an adventure instead of an endurance race. So...I'm sort of letting go of trying to keep up with blogging and just doing what feels like a good thing as each moment comes along whether it is playing lego with the girls or getting on top of the ironing (not that I have done that yet - LOL).
Of course, life is still full of lovely moments - autumn leaves and rainy days and homemade chicken soup. I met the mother of one of E's favourite boy buddies in her class last week. I do love him for the times he gives E a cuddle when she doesn't want to be left at Before School Care on a Friday morning.
I hope to be more positive about life next time I blog! Time to do the after school pick up (in the rain...I really need some gumboots so I can stop getting my socks wet and start splashing in the puddles with the girls)