A weekend away

The view

As is probably apparent, I don't manage to post much on this blog any more. But I do feel inspired to make a quick photo post after having a really beautiful night away from home recently. I want to say a heartfelt thank you to my husband, the universe and Andrea for making it happen. The last time I had a night sans children (in 2005 in Sydney to celebrate my 40th birthday in blissful solitude) I returned to a vomiting child and a distraught husband and drove straight to the hospital for a two night stay.

A few weekends ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a friend's mother's house in the Gold Coast hinterland for some r & r. I have to say it was just blissful to relax, read, drink cups of tea (made with beautiful rainwater), soak in a hot fragrant bath, chat without interruption, listen to the birds calling, gaze at the view of trees and cows and misty mountains, sleep in until 6.30am and then lie in bed reading and drinking tea.... I could go on and on. Of course, I missed my little family but they managed to survive without me (and with extra McDonalds, DVDs and other treats). Even the usual train trip from our place to the city that I do twice a week for work seemed exciting because I was setting off on a little adventure, all by myself. So....here are a few glimpses of my heavenly weekend.

"Chookie'

Fresh ruby grapefruit juice for brekky

A quirky mail box

Flowers on the forest floor...

A little walk in the mountain air in borrowed gumboots.

A feathered friend


I hope all the mothers out there get a nice break soon, because I'm sure you all deserve one. And best of all, is the big welcome you get when you arrive home.

Trying to live in the moment

(G tries out the new headphones but doesn't worry
about plugging them in anywhere!)

I've been rereading a great book this week called "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali. (Sorry.....I'm too tired to organise a link but I'm sure you can google it if necessary). It helped me a lot when I was struggling with motherhood the first time around and it's been packed in a box for a couple of years and stored in my sister's garage. Funnily enough, I managed a quick child free browse in a book store this week and saw she has written another one along the same lines called "Buddhism for Mothers with Young Children". Anyway....it has such great stuff in it about the Buddhist approach to life and how you can apply their philosophies and way of thinking to coping with parenthood - a whole chapter on anger management (I very very rarely lost my temper before motherhood but now sometimes have a short fuse) and lots of stuff about living in the moment. It has helped me slow down lately and this morning when I walked to the train for work I thought to myself (like a buddhist monk according to this book) "I am walking. I am walking". Then I thought about feeling the cool morning air (it was 6.30am) and the warm morning sun (it's summer here) on my skin at the same time and about all the noises I could hear. It was so much nicer than rushing madly and worrying about missing my train. As if anyone really cares (or actually knows) whether I am at my desk by 7.30am or not. Still...I do have 7 and a quarter hours to do twice a week and I do have to rush out at 3.15 pm to collect the girls).


Usually, bedtime here is a bit of a farce and Scott and I struggle to stay patient. We usually don't eat dinner until the girls are asleep and so sometimes we aren't eating until almost 9pm. My little girl is particularly crazy and somehow does not have the idea of bedtime routines through her pretty little head despite the same routine for the last 2 years or so. Tonight, I relaxed the rules a little bit, we let them stay up late while we ate our Friday night nachos cooked by Scott, and then G fell asleep lying on me in her big bed as usual. Sometimes I lie there and grit my teeth and take deep breaths trying to be patient until she falls asleep and then I gently roll her off me and go and do my own thing or tidy up or whatever. But tonight...I just lay there for ages after she fell asleep and enjoyed the sweet weight of her on me and the sweaty but yummy baby smell of her head. I listened to another song or two on the lullaby cd and then came out to do my own thing (ie check some blogs).

Scott took this photo of me doing my big girl's hair for school this week (her last week of Grade 1). It's not the world's most attractive picture of me but I like that it captured an ordinary moment in our lives. It shows our living room in all its lived in glory - the books overflowing on the shelves, the toys on the rug, the discarded nightie on the couch with its daggy blue cover. I feel like it's time to edit my life a bit less, go with the flow, and maybe stop dyeing my hair and let it go whatever colour it is (ie half dark, half grey). I don't feel like having fake hair anymore. But...am I brave enough to be real? I'm not sure I'm ready to look middle-aged yet so I have to work up a bit more courage. (Scott is all in favour of me going a la naturel).


I've also been thinking a lot about Jen, from the Comfy Place, who passed away from cancer a week or so ago. Her ex-partner has taken over her blog and, like Jen, he is pretty amazing. Jen had an incredible knack for finding the positive in the midst of facing a premature death and leaving her two much loved children. She was really an inspiration to me so this post is dedicated to you Jen. You have really helped me get some much needed perspective on this life. Thank you.

Just day to day stuff

Nothing earth shattering to write - just the minutiae (spelling?) of day to day life. I thought I would share this little playdough girl that E. made the other day. I forget sometimes that you don't really ever grow out of playdough. I still quite like playing with it myself. This was extra nice playdough that we made with glitter in it, so I felt like a very superior class of mother for about a whole hour!

I couldn't find the little girl one day this week and finally located her (when a little voice said "I'm here, Mummy") lying inside the knot in the couch cover that I use to try and keep our couch free from vegemite, toothpaste and other child related stains. She somehow squeezed her naked self (and "Baby"- the one in the orange dress) into the folds created by the knot so that she was sort of cradled a few inches above the hard wooden floor. She's a strange child sometimes! Now it is one of her favourite spots to go and hang out. Probably reminds her of all the hours she spent in a sling as a baby while I walked around the block trying to get her to sleep.

Here is the big girl modelling her new Seed hoodie dress and VERY long socks that I bought her on ebay. She insisted on taking one ponytail out for the photo shoot as she likes to have her hair in all sorts of weird styles. I wanted to send a photo of her in the dress to the nice woman on Ebay who sold it to me, but of course, I can't be bothered now, so I'm posting it here instead. I think it was about 30 degrees celsius when it arrived in the mail as autumn has not properly arrived yet. I had to talk her out of wearing it to a party as she would have melted.

You can see a glimpse of our little 1950s house in this photo. It came with a lovely daggy old wall unit that the last owners said we could keep. Now, I couldn't live without it as it holds our CD collection, all my vases in the bottom cupboards, the telephone books (that we don't need now that the internet is here), my stationery box with staplers, scissors, stamps etc, a little square basket for each member of the family to throw itty bitty things in (like keys, gift vouchers, head lice combs - that sort of thing), the boxes of ribbons and wrapping paper, drawers full of batteries/screwdrivers/a torch etc - yep....you get the idea. I can stop now I think. Oh yes...the rolls of Christmas paper live right up the top where I can't reach them unless I get a chair. My whole life would grind to a halt if I didn't have this wall unit.

I think my blog is turning into a stream of consciousness therapy session. It's very therapeutic to just spew out my thoughts without having to organise them, arrange topic sentences, check facts, ensure flow, and keep to a word limit (which is what I need to do when writing history stuff at work). Therapeutic for me...perhaps a little bit too much information for you guys!

Big news here is that my brother is getting married soon in East Timor so I am gearing up to hop on a plane and visit a foreign country for the first time in many years. Yep..I'd really better get my passport organised or I won't be going anywhere. I have yet to meet the girl he is marrying so it's all very very exciting. (If you read this, Big Brother, don't be cross. I don't think I've given away too many family secrets). We don't want to take the children to East Timor so they will stay home with the Daddy and I will enjoy a little adventure with my "old" family. I think the girls will be fine without me as they are totally besotted with their father. I am trying to stretch the two nights into three as otherwise, I will blink and miss the whole thing.

Time for bed. I have to go the dentist tomorrow for a filling. Even though this will be unpleasant and involve a very long needle, I am looking forward to it in some weird way as a little bit of "me" time. That indicates just how much I need a "proper" holiday without having to breastfeed anyone at 1am or walk up and down the beach with them in a sling to get them to have a nap.

treading water

Once again, I find myself struggling to keep my head above the murky waters of depression. I seem to have run out of motherly patience and energy to keep it all together so I am just plodding along, putting one foot ahead of the other (and ignoring my children while they eat biscuits after dinner and watch tv so I can have five minutes to vent on this blog). I should also be bringing in the washing, giving the neglected dog some attention, washing the dishes and bathing E. before my husband arrives home in 45 minutes. Not that he cares about domestic order. He says he would rather have a sane wife than a tidy house which is very kind of him. (And perceptive).

So....to concentrate on the positive......here are some photos of the biscuits we baked today. It should have been fun, I know, but I found the mess and the fights over whose turn it was to stir the mixture excruciating. (Oops....forgot to be positive again). However, the biscuits turned out ok and were cooling as the postman rode up on his motorbike with the mail, so the girls took him out a duck biscuit on a plate. He gobbled it up so he must have been ready for morning tea. E. saw some biscuits being made on Playschool that were cut out of biscuit dough using a big template of an animal, so we drew a horse on some baking paper and ....voila! One horse! He was even better when decorated with the new "writing icing" stuff I bought for E's last birthday.

PS There is a large rat (or perhaps some cute sort of native marsupial) living in our compost bin. It keeps scaring the bejesus out of me. I know all the things not to put in the compost to avoid rats and am following all the rules. Any suggestions on how to get rid of it without putting out rat baits?

Stuck for words

Just can't find any inspiration for blogging at the moment. Too much going on with storms as well as the normal juggling of day to day stuff - you know....kids, dog, housework, part time job, other people's children's birthday parties, trying to find and return those pesky library books, banking cheques, shopping for Christmas presents etc etc. And I have a husband who does a huge amount of domestic/parenting stuff.No wonder our mothers didn't expect to work after having children. Running a household takes such enormous time and energy. My mother met my Dad working in a bank and obediently resigned upon marriage. I guess it was hard to argue with a bank in 1960.

The nice thing about blogging and peeking into other people's lives and thoughts is that for every mother who is seemingly baking biscuits while whipping up a patchwork quilt and doing craft activities with her well behaved and designer clad children, there is another one who is muddling along, just doing her best and perhaps managing to squeeze in the odd moment of cooking or sewing or scrapbooking between cleaning up mess and breastfeeding bubbas to sleep. So hello to all the lovely mothers who confess their struggles in their blogs. It makes me feel a whole lot better.

Someone called Tammie made me laugh yesterday. She posted a photo of some gorgeous looking biscuits she had baked that were sitting on a pretty plate before confessing that the plate was only for the photo and that nobody in her house ever uses a plate to eat a "cookie". They just get stuffed into people's mouths while doing other things like vacuuming. ( I think that was the most ungrammatical sentence I have ever written, but hey, this is a blog, not an honours thesis).

Good things from today - catching up with some friends at a relaxed kids' party at the local pool (well, the pool near where my husband grew up); eavesdropping on my daughter and two neighbourhood friends playing "mothers" on our patio and hearing things like "I'm just going to get some petrol. Can you mind my baby?"; getting a phonecall from my big brother; having my gorgeous 13 year old niece sleepover last night and watching her patiently allow my girls to sit and lie all over her for hours on end; coming home to find that my brother-in-law has nailed a plank of wood under the back gate to keep the puppy from escaping. I'm a lucky woman, that's for sure.

So anyway....hello to any of my buddies who are reading this. Here's a couple of photos of my girls at Shorncliffe a few months ago to liven up this uninspired post.

Old fashioned childhoods

As a somewhat perfectionist personality (this doesn't mean my house is tidy - just that I agonise over its untidyness!) I constantly obsess over if I am getting mothering right. Thankfully, I know lots of other mothers are doing the same. I've just read Blue's lovely prose/poem (Sept 18) about parenting and it's good to know we are all in the same boat - just doing the best we can. (I'll try and put in the link but I'm still practising). (http://bluejeuls.blogspot.com/)

So when we have a day without rushing, watching too much tv, eating junk food or playing on the computer I feel like a better mother. My memories of my childhood are so happy (apart from going to new schools, but that's another story). At six, I had the run of the tiny outback town where we lived. We also spent a lot of time on sheep stations, playing in shearing sheds and helping the jackeroos muster on horseback. My parents took us on many many picnics when we would make a fire in a dry creek bed and boil the billy for tea. When I was just a little older, we moved to a slightly bigger town which I was free to explore on my bike as long as I was home before dark. I'm not sure if Mum knew my friends and I were sometimes walking along the railway tracks out of town! Anyway...back to the present moment.

Last week during the school holidays, I swopped children with friends who also work part-time so that our 5 year olds could play with a friend for the day while Mum went to work. It's a great system. So, with my two girls and a young friend, we headed to a seaside town to play on the beach (in brown mud, but that's ok), climb some trees and explore the big playground. We had a great time getting muddy feet, sandy legs and dirty clothes. I tried to take some photographs to capture the children's joy at running free but soon realised that three children running in all directions needed my undivided attention. So....here they are. Three happy children (and one happy mother behind the camera) at the beach.

Birthday bliss

I wasn't actually looking forward to today's birthday - my 43rd. I feel much better about it after getting my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted and putting a colour in my hair to cover the greys (you know - just those seven that have been getting me down). I usually (as my mother loves to mention every year) manage to spin my birthday out to encompass as many outings and treats as possible - a family get-together, morning tea with my girlfriends, a solo shopping trip or a massage. But this year... I just couldn't get enthusiastic about it. However, the day dawned (early, as it does with a breastfeeding toddler and a five year old who hates to sleep in and miss anything) and it was a beautiful spring day. After a couple of hours of secret present wrapping and card making, I was presented with some lovely clothes and truly touching works of art and kind words in shaky writing. Then we watered the garden and I started to enjoy myself.

The highlight came when my family returned from shopping with a huge bunch of flowers (chosen by E aged 5) and two helium balloons (G aged 2 chose one with ducks which says "Baby girl"). E handed me a soft parcel wrapped in tissue paper and said with great excitement "Happy Birthday Mummy. It's a dress". My girl had taken her Daddy shopping to buy me a dress and chose one she thought I would like because "it is cream and that's your favourite colour, it has flowers and lots of other colours, it has frills on the sleeves and a sash AND a petticoat!". What could a mother say but "It's beautiful Darling. I love it!". So I wore it out for my date this afternoon with her father with the memory of her shining face still with me. The nice thing was.....the girl in the icecream shop who served me a gelato (two scoops - blood orange and papaya) said "I love your dress!".